you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
