Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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