In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
