is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
