Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
