I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
