things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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