Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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