Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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