You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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