I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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