I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
