I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
