ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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