shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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