I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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