I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
