I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
