let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
