from now on my penis is your penis
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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