I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
