Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
