I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
