After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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