I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
