i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
