Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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