margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
