having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
