I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
