who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
