pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
