I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
