I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
