did you get engaged???
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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