yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
