Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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