So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
