so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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