Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
