I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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