man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
