wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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