Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
