i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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