Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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