i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
