you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
