your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The air was thick with penises
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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