I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
