i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
