So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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